Article by Wendy McCance
I have a question for you. What type of socializer are you? I had never given this much thought until a conversation I had with my daughter today. She mentioned that she enjoyed being in large crowds of people where she could bounce from one person to another and chat in an easy laid back way.
It got me thinking about my own preferences. I enjoy small groups. Hanging out one on one is what I prefer the most. It’s not that I don’t enjoy big get togethers, it’s just that I enjoy the conversations that take place in a more personal setting better.
When I am in a large group, the conversations seem more superficial. Everyone saying hi to each other, lots of smiles and laughter, but nothing very meaningful. In a small group or when I am just visiting one individual, I tend to come away with a feeling of connection that I don’t around vast amounts of people.
My daughter intrigues me. She finds it hard to have those deep meaningful conversations and large groups gives her the comfort of not having to go to deep trying to fill empty spaces with meaningful words. In small group settings, she freezes up and doesn’t know what to say. Her explanation is that it’s easier to dance on stage for a full house than dance for just one person.
I on the other hand live for the opportunity to really know each person I surround myself with. I want to feel that I know more than a favorite color or activity. I want to know a person’s soul. I’m not sure why I have a need to know people so personally, but there just seems to be a disconnect when I look at someone’s face and have no idea what might be going on in their head.
It makes me wonder how the general population feels. Am I too intense? Is my daughter too closed off? I understand that my daughter does value deep conversations with a select few. I understand that if a topic is hit on that she is passionate about, you will learn everything about her feelings on that subject.
The part I find most fascinating is that I would have guessed that she is the extrovert and that I am an introvert based on are preferences of participation in large groups. The opposite is actually true. My daughter is very shy although she can pull off a show of confidence in big group settings. I am somewhere in the middle, but you can always tell how I feel in each and every situation I am in.
So my question to you is what is your opinion on this subject? Are you an introvert or an extrovert? Do you enjoy large or small gatherings better? Are you the type that gets into deep conversations or do you enjoy a lighter atmosphere? Let me know in the comments below. I’d love to hear your thoughts on this topic.
Skipping Puddles 
Hi Wendy – just wanting to let you know I nominated you for a 7-In-One-Award. The link is:http://plaintalkandordinarywisdom.com/7-in-one-award-a-heartfelt-thank-you/ ~~ I’m happy to share you on your new site with my readers.
Thanks Pat!!! What a great way to start off my weekend. 🙂
I’m happy to spread the love and share you with my readers, Wendy. You’re truly welcome and they’re duly deserved, my friend. 🙂
I really enjoyed reading this piece. I can see how she would rather have surface conversations because often times with introverts the unfamiliar brings anxiety. But anyways, I’m very much introverted but enjoy small groups and deep conversation. Big parties are okay but I dislike shallow conversations and small talk. I’m very introspective and enjoy being one on one with others and knowing them beyond the surface much like you described. I’m much more awkward at large social gatherings and find petty conversation dull. It’s often hard for me to find people that reciprocate the same way.
That’s it! You’re right big groups ARE dull. No better way to put it. Thanks so much for sharing your insight. It’s nice to hear from someone else who has the same feelings about the topic.
I like this discussion, Wendy. It’s interesting how introvert and extrovert types can interchange depending on personalities and situations. I think I can see what you’re daughter is talking about as that’s typically what the culture is now (I think?? may be wrong). You can put yourself out there to a lot of people without being put on the spot. It’s when you get into one-on-one discussions with eye contact that draw us out and make us more personally accountable in how we measure up.
I think I’m like you where I am comfortable in both scenarios but I prefer the smaller groups where you feel like you can really get to know someone and connect. Although, I’ve been in the smaller groups and don’t feel anymore connected than when I’m in large groups. I guess it’s what you’re looking for in socializing and meeting people.
Thanks for your thoughts on this subject Pat. I also wonder if some of what my daughter feels has to do with growing up with tech. You have Facebook, Twitter and texting. There is little depth in the way kids communicate these days. Maybe the world is changing more than I realized.
I agree, Wendy, on the techy part. That’s what I meant when I said you can put yourself out there to a lot of people without being put on the spot. It’s part of the networking, texting culture everyone (not just the younger generation) is participating in. We’re losing a vital part of communicating.
Oriah Mountain Dreamer talked about it in her poem, “The Invitation”, when she went to a party looking for some compassion and real conversation and came away unfulfilled. Have you ever read it. It’s one of my favorites (http://www.davidpbrown.co.uk/poetry/oriah-mountain-dreamer.html).
I haven’t, but I’ll check it out. Thanks for sharing the link.
🙂 You’re welcome, Wendy.